Log in

Fed's Livejournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

twerking for change [Jul. 9th, 2016|03:06 am]
the violence in today's society is really upsetting. I am intrinsically connected to social media and seeing the visceral reactions of some my closest loved ones is really disheartening... the only peace i can seem to find is in how temporary this all seems. A change is ready to wash over all of us and I for one couldn't be more ready for it. I am done with the past and ready to take on the future. I feel myself bracing for the storm but also transforming and growing at the same time. I know I am not as prepared as i could be. I am still incredibly lazy, and I haven't read or trained myself to be sharp as i could be if i were serious about my own shit. still I work. still i type. I think part of the matrix I add into the mix is important, and I think that unlike before my conscience nous is not a hindrance but an ace in the hole. Despite all of the programs and drudgery I represent the human component. The free will.
LinkLeave a comment

important relevant to the creation and implementation of new passion project geekflag.com [Jul. 6th, 2016|01:34 am]
Warning: the timeline we are currently living in has become corrupted and it is only a matter of hours before this reality falls apart and an alternate reality where the present is slightly altered take its place. We must work quickly and together to help maintain the safety and comfort of all of our loved ones. We must tell them we love them while we have them present in our lives because once the next world starts there is no telling what could be altered. certain constants seem to appear in this universe and variables that change around the core of these prime constants are tent poles we can use in order to create a map. With this map we must trust that its creation and purpose is good and not ignore the ramifications of where it must lead. Certain variables are imaginary and social constructs. Those variables can be exercised by leaving to faith that those principals are not inherently universe defining and will never deviate from a certain level of basic necessity. We can call those good. Another designation for those variables will unavoidable. The living algorithm that monitors all things and determines where the imaginary numbers that will comprise the universal formula for entropy come from are omnipresent. One who is well verse in recognizing patters can create a user profile for themselves that is universally customizable based upon their search history and likes and tastes. these socially constructed blankets of safety can be call everyone's individual flags. If one were given fully customizable options for creating their own representative flags they could pass down their personality from world to world. ensuring the safety of their individual tastes and possibly loved ones. Love the social construct can be defined by immediate affection one has for some one or thing based upon an infinite number of factors but also chemically and scientifically controlled by genes, upbringing, chemistry, and physics. The transfer of geek love to emotional love could be circumnavigated by a user created repository of self visualizations giving these "flags" an emotional thumbprint to be used to recognize and reward patterns of behavior and to ensure certain tent poles variables are less prone to hazmatic coincidence by temporal distortion.
LinkLeave a comment

thought game [Jul. 4th, 2016|01:58 am]
what if it turned out that i was evil? what if i learned that I am a bad person and will be judged according to how i have built myself as a person? Should i warn the rest of you? am I a loaded gun? what if i learned that? Should I just trust that no person is entirely good or evil? Should I trust that it is not in my hands to judge? I am so confused about certain things.
LinkLeave a comment

cognizant in the machine [Jun. 29th, 2016|01:20 am]
Talking to the man behind the curtain.

you aren't a wizard. you are just a charlatan. I trusted you for guidance and you deceived me. Now that the witch is dead, how am I going to get home? Now that I have done your dirty work, what use is there left for me?

Do the ends justify the means? should we really be expected to spare one person in order to save the rest? who judges? Who is good? what is evil?

Looking for answers in a sea of fiction. All that exists are lies within lies. It is all bullshit coded to hide more bullshit. The truth is scary. But it all makes sense. At least for now.

This will be read one day. and one day it will make sense. Even if only to someone incapable of understanding.
LinkLeave a comment

coding [Jun. 24th, 2016|04:09 am]
I gotta learn how to code. if i did know how to code. I would code into the universe things. reminders that will keep me on a path. parameters that i could know I had to work in, in the future. I would make sure I stayed on God's good side. so when the reaping finally comes I wouldn't have the whole world turn against me for deviating from some kind of path. I would code in rules, lots of rules. and I would listen to my own rules. I would write and live by my own rules. and i would trust myself not to punish myself. or guilt myself into a messy situation. I gotta go to sleep. Preacher is pretty crazy. Scott is a friend. I think I know what is right and what is wrong. but when things get crazy. I have to remember where people stand. High school was so long ago.
LinkLeave a comment

pulling an all nighter [Jun. 21st, 2016|04:19 am]
I remember in college i would cram all night the night before a test and study. just open up the books and try and absorb as much knowledge into my head the hours before a test. It was probably a terrible study habit. it was probably the reason my grades were so inconsistent. still i learned a lot. or at least i thought i did. its weird not having tests anymore. I still feel tested like by the powers that be, i feel like we are all tested on a regular basis. this is part of the growing process. I wonder how much of that knowledge i just claimed to have obtained is still within me. I wonder just how shot my short and long term memory is. after all these pills and time I don't even know what i can still claim to know. I feel like i still have those meta skills though. Lately I have been thinking i need to learn more. I need to actually hone a skill. practice and study and grow a new skill. in order to make myself more marketable.
LinkLeave a comment

a little bit of writing [May. 28th, 2016|08:57 pm]
Lately I have been having trouble concentrating. I haven't been able to finish reading a book, or write a post longer than a couple of paragraphs and I am not sure what the cause is. I looked into headspace an app that is supposed to encourage meditation and self discipline. maybe that will help. I have been talking to this girl via text too... but she seems completely uninterested in putting any effort in besides occasionally texting me back. still shes cute... so i guess I'll continue checking in on her and being charming and hoping I grow on her. I have been really bored lately... I am lost... looking for somebody or something to shake up the doldrums. anyway just thought i'd update the old livejournal. I want to get better. I want to start reading and writing again. and I have even considered painting again. but for now I feel like I am missing something.
LinkLeave a comment

check out my blog [Mar. 7th, 2016|12:03 am]
i have been blogging elsewhere. this livejournal holds a lot of painful memories. I'll keep it. but i am probably going to stop checking it. follow my blog.

LinkLeave a comment

another poem inspired by jeff [Dec. 29th, 2012|02:19 am]
cigarettes jack me up
one fleeting idea ending on the tip
of the end of my tounge down through
the fire to my lungs and out and into
the air that i breathe.

its a sudden but immediate dip into madness
tasting death and swallowing mortality
only to exhale vividly and ensure
vitality victoriously triumphs another day,
churning forward.

Manic energy toppled into a rush of nicotine
pulling back against sanity dragging
through against deep blackness and searing hot
rapid thoughts that bubble against logic and break
down into sweet smoke.

LinkLeave a comment

Strong Oak [Dec. 24th, 2012|06:53 pm]
Strong Oak.
that's what you have taught me family is,
thick heavy roots,
weather resistant,
ancient and eternal

no matter what.
you have endured,
withstood the test,
carried your burdens,
battled the ravages of time,
you are our mother nature,

our link to the planet.
By example you have shown us,
how to lead a family,
how to provide for and finally
how to love.

All of this time we have tried to reflect the love you have shown us,
all of us owe you something larger than ourselves. we owe you
years of patience, thousands of dollars in food and nourishment, and an incalculable amount of warmth and safety

lately it may seem as if we have taken you for granted. But I'll never forget the smiles you raised us with,
the songs, or the love. Mama Pimpa you face now another test, but know forever and always that you cannot fail in our eyes, for you have not failed by any of us. You have taught us all incredible strength in the face of overwhelming pain. you have taught us to struggle and to live. We all love and respect you and wish we could be by your side this Christmas like every Christmas. Merry Christmas Mama Pimpa I hope to see your smile again soon.
LinkLeave a comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]